All separations and divorces are times of transition. And like all transitions, it can be challenging. But it can also lead to wonderful personal growth and even a renewed sense of self.
At Patrick Dawson Law our experience is that people who are going through a divorce or separation have a much better experience when they focus on their mental health. This sets them up for the next stage of their lives.
But how do you focus on your mental health during separation or divorce? Here are some tips and techniques that can really help.
It’s important to remember that it’s normal to experience a range of emotions during divorce or separation. These could be relief, sadness, anger, confusion and more. But whatever you’re feeling generally, you’re likely to experience at least some negative emotions.
Research shows that ‘people who habitually accept their negative emotions experience fewer negative emotions, which adds up to better psychological health’. In other words, understand that it’s OK to feel mad or sad or anxious, for example. Recognising and accepting these feelings, and remembering that they’re temporary, is actually an important step towards healing and part of moving forward.
It’s also important to not beat yourself up about any negative feelings. Instead be gentle on yourself. This is good for you, but it’s also good for your long-term mental health during divorce. Research shows that ‘people that are kind and compassionate to themselves have an easier time managing the day-to-day difficulties of divorce’.
Support is hugely important during divorce or separation. You might find yourself with changing routines and even living situations. Surround yourself with friends, family and even professional supporters (your legal team will be one of them!). If you’re feeling bad, you might be tempted to hide out and keep to yourself. But isolation can make your stress levels higher and makes it hard to make proactive decisions.
When you have your supporters around you, be sure to open up about what you’re feeling. Sharing your feelings makes them feel less huge, and connection will affect your mental health for the better.
During your separation and divorce you’ll likely need to have some interactions with your ex, particularly when you share kids or property or when there are legal proceedings involved. But just because you need to interact, doesn’t mean you can’t set boundaries both on when and how you will communicate with each other.
As much as possible, keep all your interactions respectful and aimed at working towards a resolution. Our experience shows that this leads to a much easier and quicker divorce overall. If this becomes difficult, use your legal team to help.
This doesn’t necessarily mean you need to begin legal proceedings. You can engage in mediation with your legal counsel present or ask for negotiations on your behalf, for example. But your team is on hand to help you keep things civil and your boundaries firm.
In this case we’re not talking about bubble baths and massages (though those are always nice). Instead self-care for better mental health during divorce or separation is about spending time doing things that make you happy and increase your wellbeing.
Some things you could prioritise are regular exercise, good food and lots of rest, all of which are great for your mental health. Sometimes just maintaining your routine can give you a strong sense of normalcy as well, amid a lot of change otherwise.
The best self-care is to just allow yourself the grace to function below your usual capacity if needed during this time of transition.
When any relationship ends, you may feel some holes in your life. That’s normal. But it’s a great time to fill these gaps with new interests and experiences – and it’s great for your mental health too.
You might try painting, join a hockey team or volunteer with a community group. Most of all, it’s a good chance to discover what makes you happy and having a hobby that brings you happiness and wellbeing is fantastic for your mental health.
Resilience isn’t about things not going right. It’s about pulling yourself back up when things get tough. And a great way to do this is by having a positive mindset.
When you are a positive thinker you have greater resilience and loads of other mental health benefits including better health and quality of life. During divorce and separation, it’s more important than ever to embrace these.
Nothing feels better than being prepared and understanding your legal rights and obligations is an important part of being prepared.
When you’re going through a divorce or separation, be sure to talk to your legal team about:
The more prepared you are about what may come up during your divorce and separation, the less stress and upset you’ll feel, and the better mental health you’ll have.
Navigating separation or divorce? Stay strong with mental health tips, legal guidance, and strategies for a fresh start. Read more in our blog.
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